Note to Self: Survive the Storm She Left Behind

This one’s for the days when the heart is loud but the world expects silence. When you’re trying to stay stable, while your mind and chest are fighting like enemies. It’s about a love that never provided the space to become, only demanded I stay small to be accepted.

So, I say:

Some days…

I feel like I’m standing on glass.

Cracks forming under my feet,

But I pretend I don’t hear them.

My head’s a battlefield,

Voices clashing with memories,

Logic begging me to move on,

And my heart?

Still stuck in a moment that never fully existed.

I wasn’t perfect.

But I wasn’t a villain either.

I just… needed space to breathe,

To heal,

To grow into someone who could love better.

Not someone who had to perform love to earn it.

Love isn’t about becoming flawless. It’s about becoming seen, even in your mess.

You never gave me that chance.

No pause, no restart.

Just judgment.

Like every step I took toward happiness

Was somehow a betrayal of what we should have been.

But how do you grow in a place where

You’re not allowed to unfold?

I fought battles you’ll never see.

Woke up every day to be “better”,

Not for you, not for me…

But for us.

But “us” was already dead, wasn’t it?

You buried it under silence.

Under control.

Under that cruel need to always be right,

Even when my heart was breaking

Right in front of you.

This isn’t about blame anymore. It’s about clarity, of what love should never have to feel like.

And still, I stayed.

Not because I didn’t know better…

But because I believed

Love could fix things.

I was wrong.

Now I sit with the pieces,

Of a marriage that cracked

Before it was ever held together.

And yet…

I don’t hate you.

I hate that I couldn't fix it.

I hate that I tried to love louder,

While you grew quieter.

But this is my note to self.

To stay upright.

To breathe through the heaviness.

To remember:

Love is not proven by sacrifice alone.

It’s held together by space, safety, and the freedom to fail.

You never gave me that.

So no, I’m not broken.

Just tired.

Just… learning how to stop bleeding for someone

Who never learned how to hold me without cutting deeper.